although banned from watching the early episodes of the simpsons and pretty much any other show, my parents allowed me to watch mtv.
when i was a kid, mtv played music videos, and most of them consisted of madonna’s vagina.
this was a vagina that was palatable to everyone. the entire NBA requested, and was granted, in person visitation rights. the rest of us had to settle for mtv. madge’s vag was definitely amerca’s vag, the same way the Honda Civic has become america’s car.
between madonna’s vag on mtv, they had videos of david bowie and his taped back penis. music videos sure were neat back then.
needless to say, my parents are regretting letting me watch the 24 hr video programming every time they see a fb pic of me wearing guyliner. simpsons may have made a bunch of kids say “cool your jets”, but at least it didn’t turn them into androgynous shitdicks.
one of the nba players, or maybe sean penn, or maybe the director of swept away, gave madonna a kid.

i’m leaning towards it being one of the nba players,  because the swept away guy is almost chris martin albino and, as we’ve previously stated in HBGWHEM, sean penn had that baby and it turned out to be dakota fanning.

you’re right madge, back to the point of this one.
the princess of HBGWHEM, taylor momsen (who is not featured for legal reasons. ie, i don’t want to go to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison because i look too much like bowie to not get passed around) happens to be the new face of Material Girl, Lordes/Madonna’s new juniors line for Macy’s.
in my experiences with Macy’s in new jersey, it’s a store where black dudes buy puffy daddy cologne and ladies try to steal purses, but get caught. macy’s supports this though and keeps the purses right next to the door. it’s probably easier to chase down a lady with a gucci purse than it is to help a semi-poor girl buy a prom dress.

that’s the first add for Material Girl.
need i say more? this easily could be an ad for my HBGWHEM feature on my myspace. except that people will probably actually see this ad, unlike the HBGWHEM ad which i could probably only afford to have run in “architectural digest” or some equally shit magazine that probably only exists because a bunch of old people bought subscriptions and then died, but the subscription is on auto renewal so they keep getting issues.
The official wardrobe for all HBGWHEM who can’t fit into grownup clothes will now be Material Girl.
here are some sketches of the designs, in case you’re a HBGWHEMJR

super cute right????
except for that girl all the way on the left. she sort of looks like she just finished going on an improptu date with Ben Roethlisberger.
the sketches all have brunette girls because they wanted to emphasize the clothes, not the hotness of a HBGWHEM. it’s understandable. they did the right thing in the end by using the HBGWHEM princess, so don’t judge them.
get ready, steal your mother’s Macy’s card, and all HBGWHEMJR’s need to start buying the Material Girl line, launching late s10.
in conclusion.