Ashlee Simpson is now platinum blonde.
As you can see from the picture, Ashlee is overjoyed to return to her true identity. Well, besides the whole Wentz hyphen, but that can never be undone, right Laura Dern, Ben Harper, Monica from Friends, Dewey from Scream, XXXtina, and Jason Bratworst or whatever that guy’s name is.
All the greats return to their original niche.
Jordan returned to basketball.
Roy Jones Jr. returned to Hip Hop.
LC is returning to MTV.
Tila Tequila has returned to hardcore pornography.
And now… Ashlee Simpson, plat blonde again.
Now I know the haircut is a little short, but, um. SHE’S PLATINIUM BLONDE WITH HEAVY EYE MAKEUP.
I can’t really express my gratitude to Ashlee. Out of all of the girls i was obsessed with in the early 2000’s, she’s been the most well behaved. I haven’t had to make excuses for her rehab trips, family channel movies, huge veneers, cocain arrests, DWI’s, sextapes, unnecessary Gossip Girl cameos or poorly conceived euro-tinged remix albums- as I’ve had to do with the rest of my 00’bsessions
We can only hope that the plat blonde will last longer than Melrose Place 2.0 and that Katie Cassidy will see her bff Ashlee (they were bff’s on Melrose 2.0, right? That whole show was really a struggle to watch. Wasn’t one of the plot points of that show that Ashlee murdered a woman in a pool?) and Katie will return to her proper hair color, plat blonde instead of the mopey Juliet brown she’s sporting this season of Gossip Girl
*Editors note: I was not talking about HBGWHEM 2.0 Katie Cassidy who I referenced an unnecessary Gossip Girl cameo by one of my 00bsessions. I like Juliet and I’d like to keep her on the UES.*
*Editors note:Yes, most of the reason why I want her to stay to is to see HBGWHEM 2.0 exist in the same frame as the princess of HBGWHEM Lil J.*
*Side note: Lil J is single and once Juliet is done with Nate…*
Amazing Grace, how sweet the JPEG, who saved a HBGWHEM like Ashlee.
after an overwhelming response to hbgwhem 2.0 on myspace, (16 views, 0 comments) i’m back for another installment of the fastest growing blog sensation, hbgwhem 2.0.
in this week’s Hot Blonde Girl With Heavy Eye Makeup (hbgwhem) of the day, we are showcasing a girl who has received a lot of buzz since 1.0.
since so many (zero) of you joined the lilo support group, a bunch of people have (not) been saying to me, “Who is this fantastic blonde girl in the wallet sized picture with ‘Katie Cassidy’ written on the back of it?”
well question no longer, that woman in the wallet sized photo is none other than katie cassidy.
not quite sure why she’s on a ferris wheel with aaron carter in the pic, but i like her stockings so deal with the picture.
now i don’t know much about ms. cassidy. i think the first time i saw her was in the movie “black xmas” which was a remake of the horror classic “black christmas”. i guess they went with the xmas abbreviation because it sounded blacker.
this probably pissed off those people that make the black people movies like ‘the cookout’, ‘the barbershop’, ‘the corner sto’… because black xmas was definately in line there. the christmas tree would be made of weed or something.
i’m pretty sure that one of the ‘friday’ movies with ice cube was about having a black christmas, but parts of that seemed like a remake of the grinch. i feel like i’ve lost focus. what do you think katie?
yeah. she’s confused.
then there was a second time i was introduced to katie cassidy (in the sense where i see her on my television, not in the sense where a mutual friend is like ‘tom have you met katie? she is blonde and occasionally wears heavy eye makeup.’ this has never happened as this would require me to have a friend. And clearly i only have one that views each of my blogs 16 times)
this second time i enjoyed ms cassidy’s blondeness was when she was on melrose place. not the old melrose place with that lady from ‘according to jim’, but the new one with the amazing, outstanding, multi-talented, skinny simpson sister, ashlee simpson. i’m a very big ashlee simpson fan so i told everyone i knew to watch the new melrose place to support ashlee. no one agreed to this besides the blond haired love of my life (no not katie cassidy, she prob didn’t watch the show because she read and acted out the scripts so she knew how bad it was going to be).
i feel a large amount of guilt that i tricked the blonde haired love of my life into watching the new melrose place. i have the type of regret that the lady from the original melrose place probably had when she agreed to star in ‘according to jim’.
somehow, buried deep in the awful murder mystery and interracial coupling of melrose place, was the diamond that is katie cassidy. she played a pretty big bitch on the show which (i hope) is somewhat similar to her real life personality. it probably isn’t though. she goes by katie, which is a cute, fun version of her name. if she was a bitch in real life, she would definitely go by katherine. and she’d probably find a way to hyphenate her name, even if her birth parents were still married.
i’ve recently started following katie cassidy on my twitter thing, and either she is best friends with blair from gossip girl and they have a lesbo relationship that they gleefully live out in france, or they are filming a movie together. every pic of them is katie, blair and then a young mexican girl. i haven’t been able to verify if their maid is a camera whore, or if this mexican is also in the movie production/lesbian relationship they are cultivating.
the last time i’ve seen ms. cassidy is in the new nightmare on elm street. she watches a guy from twilight cut his own throat. she plays it smart (as she knows he is a vampire) and lets him do it, but then i think the vampire gives her insomnia or something and she ends up break dancing on her ceiling, then she dies and a mumble mouth girl and her emo boyfriend have to shoot themselves with adrenaline needles and find nude Polaroids of themselves. the film makes it clear that ms. cassidy has nothing to do with the photographs and it appears that they were taken by freddy after a rigorous finger painting sesh. i think in the end, the moral of the story was that katie should think about wearing heavier eye makeup occasionally. at least that’s what i got out of it.
so, in summary