CHARLOTTE FREE BE MY NON-VALENTINE (BC VALENTINES DAY IS A PRODUCT OF THE ILLUMINATI)     Look, Charlotte, I know things have been complicated between us.     At first, we were on good terms because I thought your life was performance art.     Then we were not on very good terms when I wrote fanfic about you.     Then we were not on very good terms when you yelled at Isabella.    Then I apologized with a post.    Then you accepted my apology.    Then you unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me on tumblr for ???     Then Isabella unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me on tumblr the same week and I blamed it on you, but that was probably unfair of me because there was that one conversation I had with Isabella where she was like, “I would date a black guy,” and I was like, “Wow, you really do have low self esteem.”      Upon further review it was clear that Isabella situation was totally my fault. Lesson learned, what might get a great reaction at the RNC might not get the same reaction when you’re telling it to a bi-racial teen. WHY DON’T THEY TEACH YOU THESE THINGS IN SCHOOL.     After the two women in my life, Cfree and Isabella, were taken away from me by my own good intentioned actions, I was left with no one for Valentines day.     Today, I decided, “You need to be a better person,” and I was talking to myself when I said “you”, but I didn’t say my own name because I’m not some crazy person who refers to themselves in third Person. On my quest to be a better person, I looked what the rest of the people where doing around me. They were talking about Whitney Houston like, “Who saw this coming! It floored me! I still can’t believe it happened” so I tried to pretend like I was surprised about a slow moving train I saw approaching for 15 odd years. That didn’t make me a better person so I was like LOL REMEMBER RAY J. HE WAS BRANDY’S BROTHER. HE WAS WHITNEY’S BF. WHAT A FUCKING RANDOM LIFE.      Obviously after that I celebrated the career of Ray J and I downloaded the Kim Kardashian porn to watch as a special Valentines Day treat. As I watched Kim ram her giant ass into Ray J’s giant wang, I had an epiphany. What I said to Isabella was wrong. If a half white chick is okay with having a black BF, it doesn’t mean she has low self esteem, quite the opposite.      Kim Kardashian does not have low self esteem. She got her own reality show and everyone was like: EVERYONE: Wow Kim, you love black guys and you’re biracial and you don’t have low self esteem at all! KIM:Yes, this is accurate and anyone who says otherwise is a big nosed racist. EVERYONE: Agreed! So what’s next for you? KIM: I’m going to take New York. EVERYONE: Pardon? It sounded like you said you were going to take New York. KIM: Yes, I will be taking New York. EVERYONE: Taking New York where? KIM: In New York. EVERYONE: This doesn’t make an sense, even for a Kim Kardashian plan. KIM: I don’t know, the E! Channel will figure it out. They’re like geniuses. Dr. 90210 works there. He can like build me a machine. EVERYONE: But he’s a plastic surgeon… and what do you need a machine for. KIM: To take New York.       As Kim Kardashian sucked a giant black dick on camera for fame, I finally saw how disgusting I was. I realized that it really was my fault that Isabella hates me so… could it be possible that it was my fault C-Free hates me too?     Just as I was thinking this, there was a knock at the door of my below-poverty-level apartment.      I answered the door, and standing in front of me was a little cupid bby.      I was like, “Oh no, I must have gotten into CFREE’s pills again, I see a lil cupid bby.”      And the lil cupid bby was like, “Fear not, I am indeed a lil cupid bby.”     This was exciting and I was like, “Lil cupid bby, do you want to come inside and watch 90210 with me because Isabella hates me and she’s the only other person in America who watches it!”      The tiny cupid bby walked inside and we went over to the futon to start 90210.      I was like, “Hey bby cupid, can you get Isabella to like me again, you’re a cupid!”      He promptly replied No and said, “Sorry Grand Dragon, I think that ship already sailed… then sank.”      I had to accept this and we quietly watched the CW because it’s the best network ever.      When a stupid fucking commercial about T-Mobile came on, as it always does 42 times per episode of every CW show, bby cupid was like, “So did you see Daphne at NYFW…” and and I was like, “Don’t waste your arrows, I’m already madly in love with her” and cupid was like, “Samesies.”       This reminded me of Cfree and I was like, “Hey, you’re a lil bby cupid and I always thought you didn’t exist. I have this friend…” (I took liberties and declared Cfree a friend even though I was unfriended), “…and she believes in stuff like the Illuminati.”       Lil bby cupid looked both ways and then was like, “She’s right, they do exist, just like me.” I couldn’t believe someone that I trusted, lil bby cupid, was telling me Cfree had been right all along. I asked him for more information. “Well,” tiny bby cupid started, “The Illuminati is real and Madonna is in it. Did you see the Superbowl?”        This made me excited and I was like, “YES I’m such a sports man! Did you read my blogs about the Superbowl?” and lil bby cupid was like, “No. Fuck no,” then he told me more. He was all like, “At the Superbowl, Madonna performed the biggest Illuminati service in the history of Superbowls and also non-Superbowl major sport events, excluding the WNBA though,” and I was like, “Nuhuh” and lil bby cupid was like like “Yuhuh”.         He told me that everything Cfree says is true. It turns out that Skrillex didn’t win three Grammys because his EP’s are really good, but instead because he had formed an intergalactic pact with the Trebulons in which Skrillex gave the souls of people on Beatport in exchange for two drum kits, that “WOPWAAWWAAWAWAAAAWEEEEE” noise and the vocal sample from Scary Monsters and Nice Spites that sounds like a lil bby cupid saying, “OHHHAHHHASHGBLABA”.       I was shocked. I asked tiny bby cupid how to fight the Illluminati and he gave me the following instructions that I will now share with you: 1. Self indulgent text posts. The Illuminati’s secrets are highly guarded and if they were to get on tumblr, they would surely spread throughout the world and then Jay-Z’s new daughter would have to sell her mansion =(. 2. Pictures of neon shit. The Illuminati’s tumblr is monochrome and they hate pics that make it look like an unserious fashion bloggers page. 3. Reblogged pictures of lost pets. The Illuminati have stolen these pets as a blood sacrifice to Kanye West. 4. Spell nothing right! The Illuminati cannot decipher messages with more than five misspellings in a single sentence. For example, “well i dont hinks its a big scibble i think its great!” would be undetected by the Illuminati.    Lil bby cupid told me that Michael Jackson’s tumblr had all this stuff and that’s why he was killed. He said that Whitney knew all of these secrets and she was posting them on her xanga on a semi-sporadic basis. I was like, “Did the Ilumanti also kill Amy Winehouse?” and the lil bby angel was like, “No, she died from drinking a shitload of vodka.”     After this, I thought for a long time about what I heard, then I watched the rest of a lackluster 90210, then I was like, “Tiny bby cupid, why did you tell me all of this, what does it mean?” and he was like, “Go back to her, Tom.”     My Valentine had been chosen for me and when I went to thank tiny bby cupid, he was gone without a trace.      I was really kicking myself because I didn’t get to ask cupid if he set up any high self esteem white chicks with black dudes ever. ~-~if this post offended you, feel free to contact me here ~-~

CHARLOTTE FREE BE MY NON-VALENTINE (BC VALENTINES DAY IS A PRODUCT OF THE ILLUMINATI)

    Look, Charlotte, I know things have been complicated between us.

    At first, we were on good terms because I thought your life was performance art.

    Then we were not on very good terms when I wrote fanfic about you.

    Then we were not on very good terms when you yelled at Isabella.

   Then I apologized with a post.

   Then you accepted my apology.

   Then you unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me on tumblr for ???

    Then Isabella unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me on tumblr the same week and I blamed it on you, but that was probably unfair of me because there was that one conversation I had with Isabella where she was like, “I would date a black guy,” and I was like, “Wow, you really do have low self esteem.” 

    Upon further review it was clear that Isabella situation was totally my fault. Lesson learned, what might get a great reaction at the RNC might not get the same reaction when you’re telling it to a bi-racial teen. WHY DON’T THEY TEACH YOU THESE THINGS IN SCHOOL.

    After the two women in my life, Cfree and Isabella, were taken away from me by my own good intentioned actions, I was left with no one for Valentines day.

    Today, I decided, “You need to be a better person,” and I was talking to myself when I said “you”, but I didn’t say my own name because I’m not some crazy person who refers to themselves in third Person. On my quest to be a better person, I looked what the rest of the people where doing around me. They were talking about Whitney Houston like, “Who saw this coming! It floored me! I still can’t believe it happened” so I tried to pretend like I was surprised about a slow moving train I saw approaching for 15 odd years. That didn’t make me a better person so I was like LOL REMEMBER RAY J. HE WAS BRANDY’S BROTHER. HE WAS WHITNEY’S BF. WHAT A FUCKING RANDOM LIFE.

     Obviously after that I celebrated the career of Ray J and I downloaded the Kim Kardashian porn to watch as a special Valentines Day treat. As I watched Kim ram her giant ass into Ray J’s giant wang, I had an epiphany. What I said to Isabella was wrong. If a half white chick is okay with having a black BF, it doesn’t mean she has low self esteem, quite the opposite.

     Kim Kardashian does not have low self esteem. She got her own reality show and everyone was like:

EVERYONE: Wow Kim, you love black guys and you’re biracial and you don’t have low self esteem at all!

KIM:Yes, this is accurate and anyone who says otherwise is a big nosed racist.

EVERYONE: Agreed! So what’s next for you?

KIM: I’m going to take New York.

EVERYONE: Pardon? It sounded like you said you were going to take New York.

KIM: Yes, I will be taking New York.

EVERYONE: Taking New York where?

KIM: In New York.

EVERYONE: This doesn’t make an sense, even for a Kim Kardashian plan.

KIM: I don’t know, the E! Channel will figure it out. They’re like geniuses. Dr. 90210 works there. He can like build me a machine.

EVERYONE: But he’s a plastic surgeon… and what do you need a machine for.

KIM: To take New York. 

     As Kim Kardashian sucked a giant black dick on camera for fame, I finally saw how disgusting I was. I realized that it really was my fault that Isabella hates me so… could it be possible that it was my fault C-Free hates me too?

    Just as I was thinking this, there was a knock at the door of my below-poverty-level apartment.

     I answered the door, and standing in front of me was a little cupid bby.

     I was like, “Oh no, I must have gotten into CFREE’s pills again, I see a lil cupid bby.”

     And the lil cupid bby was like, “Fear not, I am indeed a lil cupid bby.”

    This was exciting and I was like, “Lil cupid bby, do you want to come inside and watch 90210 with me because Isabella hates me and she’s the only other person in America who watches it!”

     The tiny cupid bby walked inside and we went over to the futon to start 90210.

     I was like, “Hey bby cupid, can you get Isabella to like me again, you’re a cupid!”

     He promptly replied No and said, “Sorry Grand Dragon, I think that ship already sailed… then sank.”

     I had to accept this and we quietly watched the CW because it’s the best network ever.

     When a stupid fucking commercial about T-Mobile came on, as it always does 42 times per episode of every CW show, bby cupid was like, “So did you see Daphne at NYFW…” and and I was like, “Don’t waste your arrows, I’m already madly in love with her” and cupid was like, “Samesies.”

      This reminded me of Cfree and I was like, “Hey, you’re a lil bby cupid and I always thought you didn’t exist. I have this friend…” (I took liberties and declared Cfree a friend even though I was unfriended), “…and she believes in stuff like the Illuminati.”

      Lil bby cupid looked both ways and then was like, “She’s right, they do exist, just like me.” I couldn’t believe someone that I trusted, lil bby cupid, was telling me Cfree had been right all along. I asked him for more information. “Well,” tiny bby cupid started, “The Illuminati is real and Madonna is in it. Did you see the Superbowl?”

       This made me excited and I was like, “YES I’m such a sports man! Did you read my blogs about the Superbowl?” and lil bby cupid was like, “No. Fuck no,” then he told me more. He was all like, “At the Superbowl, Madonna performed the biggest Illuminati service in the history of Superbowls and also non-Superbowl major sport events, excluding the WNBA though,” and I was like, “Nuhuh” and lil bby cupid was like like “Yuhuh”.

        He told me that everything Cfree says is true. It turns out that Skrillex didn’t win three Grammys because his EP’s are really good, but instead because he had formed an intergalactic pact with the Trebulons in which Skrillex gave the souls of people on Beatport in exchange for two drum kits, that “WOPWAAWWAAWAWAAAAWEEEEE” noise and the vocal sample from Scary Monsters and Nice Spites that sounds like a lil bby cupid saying, “OHHHAHHHASHGBLABA”.

      I was shocked. I asked tiny bby cupid how to fight the Illluminati and he gave me the following instructions that I will now share with you:

1. Self indulgent text posts. The Illuminati’s secrets are highly guarded and if they were to get on tumblr, they would surely spread throughout the world and then Jay-Z’s new daughter would have to sell her mansion =(.

2. Pictures of neon shit. The Illuminati’s tumblr is monochrome and they hate pics that make it look like an unserious fashion bloggers page.

3. Reblogged pictures of lost pets. The Illuminati have stolen these pets as a blood sacrifice to Kanye West.

4. Spell nothing right! The Illuminati cannot decipher messages with more than five misspellings in a single sentence. For example, “well i dont hinks its a big scibble i think its great!” would be undetected by the Illuminati.

   Lil bby cupid told me that Michael Jackson’s tumblr had all this stuff and that’s why he was killed. He said that Whitney knew all of these secrets and she was posting them on her xanga on a semi-sporadic basis. I was like, “Did the Ilumanti also kill Amy Winehouse?” and the lil bby angel was like, “No, she died from drinking a shitload of vodka.”

    After this, I thought for a long time about what I heard, then I watched the rest of a lackluster 90210, then I was like, “Tiny bby cupid, why did you tell me all of this, what does it mean?” and he was like, “Go back to her, Tom.”

    My Valentine had been chosen for me and when I went to thank tiny bby cupid, he was gone without a trace.

     I was really kicking myself because I didn’t get to ask cupid if he set up any high self esteem white chicks with black dudes ever.

~-~if this post offended you, feel free to contact me here ~-~




26.1 Madonna - Super Bowl Tour Review

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    OKAY MADONNA FINALLY FUCKING PERFORMED AFTER I HAD TO SIT THROUGH SPORTS FOR 19+ HOURS. She did Vogue and she was dressed like an Egyptian or something and I’m like 90% sure that Egypt is in Africa and I think that it was prob like a salute to her son she got from there or w/e, such a good Mum!!

    It was great b/c they had dancing Vogue covers, which looked shitty so it was obvious that they were dancing American Vogue covers!! So Madonna was like *British accent* “I am pro-Africa and pro-America at the same time, like world peace and move 2 the music.”

    Then next there was a guy who was doing circus shit on a rope and it was like a parody of football I think because he’s like “LOOK AT HOW GOOD I AM DOING POINTLESS BULLSHIT” ~backfilp~. Then Madonna went over to see LMFAO and she danced with them for a while because she wanted to appeal to the LMFAO demo (aka stupid cunts who buy Gaga merch).

   After that they took a piece of Madonna’s outfit off, but you didn’t see pu$$y lips or nips or anything so I was like =( but NBC was probably happy. Madonna performed either her new single or some dumb Gwen Stefani song, gonna have to google my factz, but she was doing lots of good dancing and she had like M.I.A. on the stage because I think people were like, “Madonna is so full of herself and an egotistical bitch,” but then people were like, “Oh, wait, no there is M.I.A. and she’s even more full of herself and her music is also shit so I hate her way more”. M.I.A. flicked off America because she hates world peace. Nicki Minaj was also there so Madonna can appeal to the current VH1 crowd of urban youths like she did to the old VH1 crowd of menopausal unhappy housewives.

   They did some good palmpalms or w/e b/c I guess it fit in with this football meme, but seriously Mr. Gisele doing football was the longest set for an opener ever and it didn’t seem worth it in the end. I thought it was over since Gwen Stefani never came out, but then they went into “Like a Prayer” and an overweight black guy came out to sing with her because, from what I’ve seen about football, overweight black guys are the ones who are very involved in the game. I’m going to start a campaign about skinny boys and I’ll be like, “WHY DO I ONLY  SEE ONE BODY TYPE IN FOOTBALL. FAT FUCKS R THE ONLY PPL CONSIDERED FOR FOOTBALL. THAT IS BODY RACISM.” I will find football tumblrs and be like “Y do you only post overweight football players, ur giving peewee footballers bad body images and they will get eating disorders where they eat like 4 plus meals.”

    All in all, Madonna danced better than any of these other pop bitches could and she put on a fantastic show!!! I have nothing else to do so I’m going to watch the post-madge jock thing. Here is my liveblog of that (click)




46.0 Madonna’s new tour “The Super Bowl”     Most people who read this blog are 15, but for those of you who aren’t, I’m sure you will remember a time when VH1 played music videos instead of airing reality shows about poorly behaved urban ppl. Lots of the videos played on VH1 seemed geared towards women going through menopause, but sometimes they played that Fiona Apple video.     The cable provider in Syracuse, where I grew up, put MTV on channel 28 and VH1 on channel 29, silently acknowledging that VH1 sucked a dick, but still had to be watched on commercials. MTV back then also played music videos (mostly videos of a group of men in matching clothes requesting a woman to “come back” to them- weird gangbang scenarios IMO). There were two people who VH1 played who weren’t shit- MJ and Madonna. I started liking both artists because not only did they put out great videos, but if your song comes on after a fucking Meatloaf video, you could basically be performing acapella renditions of Soulja Boy songs and you still would seem pretty talented. Madonna videos got me though a lot of commercial breaks and I’ll always love her for that even if sometimes now she looks like she could bend metal bars with her bare hands. Madonna also made out with Britney, which seems chill.     Today Madonna is going to start her new tour, “Super Bowl”!!!     I think it’s named that because it’s a continuation from the “Sticky and Sweet Tour”. You know how old ppl always have a bowl full of candy at their house? Madge was obvi like, *British accent* “I’m so rich, the sticky and sweets bowl at my house is a super bowl!” and then everyone was like, “That should be the name of your new tour and you should air it on poor person basic channels instead of VH1 b/c VH1 won’t air it unless you throw a drink on someones weave.”    So here we are, “Super Bowl Tour” Sunday and I’ll be live blogging it all!    Keep this page open on a tab and F5 when you think something bloggable happens! The TV listings have the Super Bowl Tour going for like 4 hours. Madonna is in such good shape to be able to perform all that time!!! Who are these inbreds opening for Madonna? Their new single sounds a shitload like the National Anthem. People have no creativity anymore. Kelly Clarkson is singing the National Anthem now too. I bet Kelly Clarkson is the only person Christina Augliera can look at and feel good about herself. I bet Kelly Clarkson is going to put a helmet on at the end of the National Anthem and she’ll go join these football dancers Madonna hired for her tour. Da Fuq. NBC hired 2 straight, middle aged, white guys to talk about the Madonna concert and these assholes can’t stop talking about football. Some of these Madonna dancers are dressed like Footlocker employees. I hate how corporate sponsorship is creeping into everything. This middle aged white women in a pants suit seems obsessed with football too. She’s obviously gay so why isn’t she talking about Madonna?? Okay, I think I have the wrong channel. Okay, I do have the right channel. Maybe, like Madonna is running late? Oh, that Madge, always keeping us waiting. I guess they had to just put on this sports thing til she arrives? Kelly Clarkson prob couldn’t perform any more songs because she gets so winded. GISELE’S HUSBAND IS AT THIS SPORTS. THEY JUST SHOWED FLAWLESS PRINCESS GISELE!!!! I AM GOING TO WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS GAME OF JOCKS. Um. Someone just scored a two pointer. Is that a thing? Why is Elton John at this concert? He was being such a cunt to Madge at the Golden Globes. The two pointer is called a “safety”. It seemed VERY unsafe for Gisele’s husband. I hope he is okay. Someone just score a six pointer, then immediately after, they scored a one pointer. The NY giants are making lots of points in so many different ways. I think it just shows how giving Gisele’s husband gave them two points for good luck! They said that the Madonna concert starts in half time!?!?! Is that like British time or what? How long is half time. At least it doesn’t seem a long time away. Wait, the first quarter just ended. So we have to sit through that bullshit again? I think that the Giant men, despite being relatively average is size, have proved they can do sports better than than team USA. The Tom Bradys just hit a three! Lilo just tweeted about the Giant guys, she must be waiting for the Madonna concert too!! Howard Stern is on America’s Got Talent? Does this mean I have to watch stupid fucking America’s Got Talent? This is worse than the time Madonna made me watch football. The Giants guys just got in trouble for an “illegal huddle” they were probably huddling to be like “Guys we have to win this in halftime because I don’t wanna miss Madonna.” They just did a Sketchers commercial. IS THIS A SIGN THAT BRITNEY IS GONNA COME OUT WITH MADONNA WHEN THIS FUCKING CONCERT FINALLY STARTS??? Gisele should call that Tim Tebow guy so that Tom can hang out with her in the booth instead of playing this dumb game!!! Mr. Gisele scored a touchdown!!!! They are gonna bring Madonna out to celebrate now! Congrats on the Patriots winning the football game!!! Fuckkkkkk, these middle aged men are obsessed with talking about catching balls, which is common before a Madonna concert, but not in this way. It’s finally starting!!!! They made Madonna ride in an elevator with Jay Leno. How much more sadistic can this night get? Okay here is the (review). One of these forty commercials should explain how this effing game is played. GISELE’S HUSBAND JUST HAD A SAD THING HAPPEN TO HIM AND HE IS SAD! AW. AW. Wait. Maybe he was just being generous and throwing to the other team so they don’t feel sad about losing? #selfless Is John Carter a movie or an old guy running for the Republican nomination? This football will not stop. Can’t they set aside their differences and agree to let Madonna come back out to do Poppa Don’t Preach? Oh man they did this thing where they called reviewers to see if a guy caught a ball on the field or something and the guy was jealous of Tom Brady so he said the other team made the catch and now Tom is gonna lose and Gisele will be sad and the Madonna performance was too short and world peace will never happen. Okay what. This guy, like could run in for a six pointer, but he tried to stop himself? Maybe he has low self esteem? He got it tho and I hope he knows he deserved it. Football mens crey too I guess. It might be over or people might be celebrating because Madonna agreed to come back out and perform “Like A Virgin” while Gisele dances. ~PLEASE~

46.0 Madonna’s new tour “The Super Bowl”


    Most people who read this blog are 15, but for those of you who aren’t, I’m sure you will remember a time when VH1 played music videos instead of airing reality shows about poorly behaved urban ppl. Lots of the videos played on VH1 seemed geared towards women going through menopause, but sometimes they played that Fiona Apple video.

    The cable provider in Syracuse, where I grew up, put MTV on channel 28 and VH1 on channel 29, silently acknowledging that VH1 sucked a dick, but still had to be watched on commercials. MTV back then also played music videos (mostly videos of a group of men in matching clothes requesting a woman to “come back” to them- weird gangbang scenarios IMO). There were two people who VH1 played who weren’t shit- MJ and Madonna. I started liking both artists because not only did they put out great videos, but if your song comes on after a fucking Meatloaf video, you could basically be performing acapella renditions of Soulja Boy songs and you still would seem pretty talented. Madonna videos got me though a lot of commercial breaks and I’ll always love her for that even if sometimes now she looks like she could bend metal bars with her bare hands. Madonna also made out with Britney, which seems chill.

    Today Madonna is going to start her new tour, “Super Bowl”!!!

    I think it’s named that because it’s a continuation from the “Sticky and Sweet Tour”. You know how old ppl always have a bowl full of candy at their house? Madge was obvi like, *British accent* “I’m so rich, the sticky and sweets bowl at my house is a super bowl!” and then everyone was like, “That should be the name of your new tour and you should air it on poor person basic channels instead of VH1 b/c VH1 won’t air it unless you throw a drink on someones weave.”

   So here we are, “Super Bowl Tour” Sunday and I’ll be live blogging it all!

   Keep this page open on a tab and F5 when you think something bloggable happens!

  • The TV listings have the Super Bowl Tour going for like 4 hours. Madonna is in such good shape to be able to perform all that time!!!
  • Who are these inbreds opening for Madonna? Their new single sounds a shitload like the National Anthem. People have no creativity anymore.
  • Kelly Clarkson is singing the National Anthem now too. I bet Kelly Clarkson is the only person Christina Augliera can look at and feel good about herself.
  • I bet Kelly Clarkson is going to put a helmet on at the end of the National Anthem and she’ll go join these football dancers Madonna hired for her tour.
  • Da Fuq. NBC hired 2 straight, middle aged, white guys to talk about the Madonna concert and these assholes can’t stop talking about football.
  • Some of these Madonna dancers are dressed like Footlocker employees. I hate how corporate sponsorship is creeping into everything.
  • This middle aged white women in a pants suit seems obsessed with football too. She’s obviously gay so why isn’t she talking about Madonna??
  • Okay, I think I have the wrong channel.
  • Okay, I do have the right channel. Maybe, like Madonna is running late? Oh, that Madge, always keeping us waiting. I guess they had to just put on this sports thing til she arrives? Kelly Clarkson prob couldn’t perform any more songs because she gets so winded.
  • GISELE’S HUSBAND IS AT THIS SPORTS.
  • THEY JUST SHOWED FLAWLESS PRINCESS GISELE!!!! I AM GOING TO WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS GAME OF JOCKS.
  • Um. Someone just scored a two pointer. Is that a thing?
  • Why is Elton John at this concert? He was being such a cunt to Madge at the Golden Globes.
  • The two pointer is called a “safety”. It seemed VERY unsafe for Gisele’s husband. I hope he is okay.
  • Someone just score a six pointer, then immediately after, they scored a one pointer. The NY giants are making lots of points in so many different ways. I think it just shows how giving Gisele’s husband gave them two points for good luck!
  • They said that the Madonna concert starts in half time!?!?! Is that like British time or what? How long is half time. At least it doesn’t seem a long time away.
  • Wait, the first quarter just ended. So we have to sit through that bullshit again? I think that the Giant men, despite being relatively average is size, have proved they can do sports better than than team USA.
  • The Tom Bradys just hit a three!
  • Lilo just tweeted about the Giant guys, she must be waiting for the Madonna concert too!!
  • Howard Stern is on America’s Got Talent? Does this mean I have to watch stupid fucking America’s Got Talent? This is worse than the time Madonna made me watch football.
  • The Giants guys just got in trouble for an “illegal huddle” they were probably huddling to be like “Guys we have to win this in halftime because I don’t wanna miss Madonna.”
  • They just did a Sketchers commercial. IS THIS A SIGN THAT BRITNEY IS GONNA COME OUT WITH MADONNA WHEN THIS FUCKING CONCERT FINALLY STARTS???
  • Gisele should call that Tim Tebow guy so that Tom can hang out with her in the booth instead of playing this dumb game!!!
  • Mr. Gisele scored a touchdown!!!! They are gonna bring Madonna out to celebrate now! Congrats on the Patriots winning the football game!!!
  • Fuckkkkkk, these middle aged men are obsessed with talking about catching balls, which is common before a Madonna concert, but not in this way.
  • It’s finally starting!!!! They made Madonna ride in an elevator with Jay Leno. How much more sadistic can this night get?
  • Okay here is the (review).
  • One of these forty commercials should explain how this effing game is played.
  • GISELE’S HUSBAND JUST HAD A SAD THING HAPPEN TO HIM AND HE IS SAD! AW. AW.
  • Wait. Maybe he was just being generous and throwing to the other team so they don’t feel sad about losing? #selfless
  • Is John Carter a movie or an old guy running for the Republican nomination?
  • This football will not stop. Can’t they set aside their differences and agree to let Madonna come back out to do Poppa Don’t Preach?
  • Oh man they did this thing where they called reviewers to see if a guy caught a ball on the field or something and the guy was jealous of Tom Brady so he said the other team made the catch and now Tom is gonna lose and Gisele will be sad and the Madonna performance was too short and world peace will never happen.
  • Okay what. This guy, like could run in for a six pointer, but he tried to stop himself? Maybe he has low self esteem? He got it tho and I hope he knows he deserved it. Football mens crey too I guess.
  • It might be over or people might be celebrating because Madonna agreed to come back out and perform “Like A Virgin” while Gisele dances. ~PLEASE~



This came in the mail today. Luckily it was in a bag, like the piece of dogshit it is. Continuing their March tradition of having an unconscionably awful March cover, Vogue chose to feature the anti-HBGWHEM herself, Lady Gaga.

This came in the mail today. Luckily it was in a bag, like the piece of dogshit it is. Continuing their March tradition of having an unconscionably awful March cover, Vogue chose to feature the anti-HBGWHEM herself, Lady Gaga.




my mommy got me a “blond ambition” tour shirt for xmas!!

my mommy got me a “blond ambition” tour shirt for xmas!!




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Themed by: Hunson