The stock market crashed and caused the great depression. Or something like that. I just know that it was a pretty big deal and everyone had to walk long ways to school and put their babies to work unclogging machines.
Then things got better and babies were able to retire and students got school buses with pictures of ducks and shit so they knew which one they had to ride.
Then the stock market crashed again because of the dot com bubble. apparently, everyone invested all their money in myspace and then myspace just stopped trying. sort of like how guys marry chicks and then the chicks just eat their entire life away and make a ton of ungrateful kids. well even the ungrateful kids wouldn’t join myspace so everyone lost all their money in the stock market.
Then things got better.
THEN S.O.S.O.M.G.W.T.F.LL HAPPENED.

it was worse than babies in cotton gins, and having to walk far places, and your wife discovering ben & jerry’s, and your stocks doing shitty.

i watched the whole thing with the hbgwhem lilo support group (myself) and it was really the darkest moment the group had experienced thus far.
there was the time that lilo got arrested and they tried to CLAIM that she had coke. in actuality, Altoids had accidentally melted and then reformed on her suntan club card. this was a precautionary measure by the Altoids to save lindsay from a tan since tans look so shitty on girls. it was not coke. everyone knows that you don’t leave that much coke on the card. you lick it to at least get a nummy on your gums! duh! this is all in the hbgwhem handbook. (handbook not sold in stores. if you would like the copy of the handbook, get blonde, hot and put on heavy eye makeup. someone will then show up at your home/work with a copy for you to retain for the duration of you being hot, blonde and heavily makeuped.

YUP! perfect lindz. that’s the face you make after a nummy.
now the trial seemed to go on forever with this lady (not blonde, no heavy eye makeup) was chitty chatting about the alcohol program that lilo was in. there was a lot of LA’s lawyer going, “Hey let’s flip through some sign in sheet for 60 hours.” and that’s exactly what they did.
after the alcohol lady left the stand, things got MENTAL.
the judge must have been a rachel mcadams fan because wowwwwwwww, she Mean Girls’d lilo. she might have been real pissed at herbie getting a sequel. there was something about her that said, “Herbie is above you, Lindsay”. which is bullshit, but whatevs.
lilo’s lawyer seemed to just give up after a while and it became clear she just wanted to go home, maybe watch The Last Airbender and then blog about how M. Night makes the worst movies now. again, m. night’s shitty movies, shouldn’t be lindsay’s problem, but i think they played a part. 



in the end, our lovely, delicate original member of hbgwhem was sentenced to 90 days in jail!!!! Do they even have hair bleach and liquid eyeliner in jail??????
we can only hope that, like the stock market, lindsay rallies and we all get out of this great depression.
*sadface*
in conclusion

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