Recently Lady Gaga had an HBO special. I’m not sure what the special was called, but I assume they named it for the overall feel of the tour she was doing so lets just call it the “Lady Gaga Exploits the Loyalty of Queens and Teens Tour”.

During the tour video, which was shot as a frame by frame remake of Madonna’s hot Truth or Dare movie, we get an inside look into Marilyn Manson doing a performance art piece where he pretends to be Lady Gaga and says that he was bullied.

Everyone was like Lady Gaga was never bullied! All the people she went to high school with were like “Lady was just an irrelevant zero so no one cared enough about her to bully her” and so people just said that she was using the bullying thing to get other bullied groups to continue to support her*.

*Editors Note: Walter Montgomery was originally set to write the HBGWHEM review of the new Lady Gaga album, but Tom was bullying him and he quit so Tom will be writing the review.

Gaga today is your lucky day. I’m here to bully you for about three straight pages. I think you’re a stupid cunt and I would like nothing more than to inform the world of this fact. Now, when people call you out for not being bullied, feel free to tell them “HBGWHEM calls me a a worthless jizzbag every chance they get” because, well, we do.

Lady Gaga is not a blonde girl. She will never be a blonde girl.

She is a filthy brunette playing unconvincing dress up.

Lady Gaga’ new album “Loser Teens Are Loyal To Me No Matter What Absolute RARAH OHLAA Garbage I Put Out. I’ll Prove It.” comes out today.

I don’t think I’m being over-dramatic when I say that I hope all of Lady Gaga’s fans get into head on collisions with each other while driving to the store to get Born This Way and everyone who buys it on itunes has their ipods explode in their hands so that when Lady Gaga says “paws up” it really will like like paws because all her remaining living fans would have their fingers blown off and their pathetic nobs will be waving in the air.

Here is an interview with the first person to purchase the new Gaga album on itunes:

If you click “purchase” on itunes for her new album your next click better be “unfollow” on HBGWHEM. I wish I knew how to make that “unfollow” a hyperlink. Seriously, if you even stream a 30 second previews of this album, never come here again. Go help Walter pick the glass out of his forehead from the bottles I threw at him.

I took a listen to the new album because I didn’t want to be critical of it without a well based opinion. I have to say that my favorite track is:

NONE OF THEM YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. THIS ALBUM SUCKS.

I do have some inside information here for my Little Monster followers. It’s an exclusive infographic that is a never before seen inside look into Lady Gaga’s creative process on whatever the name of this piece of shit album is called. Here it is:

While I was working on my Bambi video (Shut up. Just shut up. It’s my free time I’ll spend it how I like and if I want to spend it carefully placing pictures of Bambi Northwood Blyth to music, that’s my prerogative) , Maddie found a tumblr to help me get more images for the video. Here’s a picture I found on one of the Bambi tumblrs:

THAT is the worst picture ever. That picture, the second it was taken, the camera should have exploded like an ipod someone just uploaded Born This Way to. When this picture was taken, the photographer should have impaled himself in the stomach like those samuri’s do when they… aren’t good at samuri’ing or whatever reason they kill themselves.

Some good photographers have shot Gaga but it’s impossible to get a good photo of her.

Here’s the best photo I’ve seen of her so far. It’s the only passable picture in existence.

Gaga is always in some shitty try too hard outfit so that doesn’t make photographing her easy. My fraternity has these things called highlighter parties where you wear a white t-shirt and then there are a bunch of highlighters and you write on eachother’s t-shirt. It’s basically an excuse to touch girls. Whenever we have a theme party like that, there is always one hot girl’s friend who is ugly and somehow got an invite and she realizes that she’ll be the ugliest girl at the party so she thinks up some stupid meme to distract everyone from her ugliness and she’ll, like, make a hat that looks like the cap to a highlighter and then she’ll wear it to the party and it will ruin everyone’s vibe and she’ll be drunk and oblivious. This is Lady Gaga’s life every day.

What do you think the theme of this party she went to was?

Actually, know what, let’s stop talking about the parade of pathetic that is Lady Gaga and her monsters. Sorry for this interruption, please resume listening to the pop album of the decade, Femme Fatale and if you were offended about this post,  shame on meeeeeeee. to neeeeeeeeed releaseeeeeeeeeee. uncontrollably-lably-lably-laby-

And/or listen to a girl we’ve only briefly mentioned before, but who is a full on HBGWHEM and she also happens to be my giantess wife… Taylor Swift! You should listen to her last album, the incredible “Speak Now”

You could listen to her amazing tell all “Dear John”

Or her cute romp, “Mean.”

Or maybe her love song to me, “Enchanted”

Or her beautiful track about reminiscing, “Back to December”

Or you could listen to her song, “Love Story”

And/or go back and listen to Miley’s underappreciated Can’t Be Tamed.

I didn’t have a joke there I just wanted to plug my old Miley entries and I really do love that album.

So in summery here’s a link to the download of Gaga’s album: CLICK HERE FOR THE NEW LADY GAGA THIS IS FOR YOU, LITTLE MONSTERS!