I got a lot of new followers today!
To introduce myself, my name is Walter Montgomery. I’m a fifth year senior at the ITT Technical Institute. I’m currently studying Construction Management because I want to build a building that is in the shape of John Cryer’s head. He is such a funny guy LOL Two and a Half Men is like a laugh riot. Sometimes I have to pause my Two and a Half Men DVDs (I have every season) because I’m like laughing so hard that my Diet Fanta almost goes down the wrong pipe!
One time I choked on a KFCs and almost died, but I didn’t because my dog Walter II gave me the Heimlich. Or he might have been doing naughty humps, but either way it dislodged the food. So thankful for that!
I’m so mad at Charlie Sheen for being a wildman (grrrr) he delayed Two and a Half Men, but have no fear, they are coming back next fall with Ashton Kutcher! Ashton is like a total laugh riot and a half. He was in this movie called The Killers (don’t worry it sounds violent, but it’s not! it’s funny. It’s probably like the biggest laugh riot of a movie ever). Mom says that we can get The Killers on VHS when it comes out and I’ll be like sjdfilhbsjdfbhsj so excited for that day. Katherine Heigl is beautiful but sometimes her chest makes the naughty thoughts come so I can’t watch Grey’s Anatomy. Plus I pass out when I see blood. Plus I pass out when I see Asian people and Sandra Oh is on that show so oh well, no Greys for Walter.
Some things I love are: being respectful about models. I NEVER want to post something that might be perceived as insensitive on here because EVERY model ever reads my blog (except for Saskia de Brauw but I think she has a secret penis so I understand why she’s so testy. That was a penis joke because testies are the balls under a penis. I don’t know if secret penis’ have balls. I have never seen one.)
My blog is like VOGUELLE because so many models read it. I have to be very careful about what I post because models feelings like like baby birds (they are delicate) (and delicious) (just joking I don’t eat baby birds guys) (unless we’re on a break at ITT TECH and someone bets me money to do it) (Baby birds taste HORRIBLE.)
Sorry about saying penis on my blog.
My favorite models are Lily Cole and Devon Aoki because I love math and you could trace their heads and you wouldn’t even need a protractor to make a perfect circle! Maybe Lily Cole will let me use her head to help design the building in the shape of John Cryer’s head?
I was going to write a paper about people with circular heads, but like I said, I go to ITT Tech and none of my professors can read. LOL. We never use reading anyway. There aren’t even books about Two and a Half Men. Are there? ARE THERE? I wish. Haha. Wishful thinking. I bet those books would be a laugh riot. You would get them out at the library and people would be like, “Now you have to take those books outside of the library because we don’t want to have a laugh riot in here. Look at that person. He is studying math and a laugh riot would interrupt him.”
ONE TIME I THOUGHT I HAD MALARIA.
I love the library. We don’t have one at ITT Tech though. We DO have a wicked sweet vending machine that gives out Reese Cups though! One time I ate four Reeses Cups (just the cups, not the packaging, LOL I’m not a maniac) and after I ate them, I was like running all over the place and doing my panda impression. I do like the best panda impression ever. I bet people are like, “Whoa how did that panda escape from the zoo, catch him and bring him back. He’s so endangered and majestic.” Then I will be like “Psych it’s me Walter, I’m just high on chocolate!” and then it will be a total laugh riot.
HAVE YOU EVER PISSED CLEAN THROUGH YOUR JEANS? Yeah. Me neither. Ever. Never have. Me neither.
I like to think of my blog as a “safe haven” where models can go to read about themselves, judgement free. If someone writes something mean about a model on tumblr, I send them a picture of a penis in their ask. Not a good looking penis either. Usually a flaccid one. I guess everyone’s penis perception is different though so maybe the person finds it nice when they open their ask. The posts rarely get published on their blog, but I still think it’s important to do. It’s been said that sometimes the most important work on tumblr never gets published. I have to be protective of models because models are sensitive like when Dad spanks your bottom too hard and you get those terrible black and blues. At least it will remind you not to sneak popsicles before bed when you have that shooting pain every time you sit down! HBGWHEM will always be pro-model and will never publish anything tacky (unless Gaga’s outfits get too wild. It’s like, MEAT GIRL? Kids are starving in Africa and would love to munch on those beef curtains)(I don’t know for sure if people are really starving in Africa, it might be a rumor)(Never been there)(That doesn’t mean I’m racist though. I hate racism and racists and rapper guys).
Are you guys excited for the GAGA album? I am. Gaga is like the Jon Cryer of music (unless Jon Cryer has his own CDs. If he does, it’s like sign me up. Hello. 2 tickets please. Front row. I want to rub my naughty places on his thining hair skull). Gaga’s new album is going to change music. LOL I’m such a little monster. I’m also a little Kutcher. Not Rumer Willis silly, she’s Bruce Willis’ daughter (I don’t care for Bruce’s films. He once said “Yippie Ky Ke Mother F’er” there’s no place for that in the cinema). Did you see Gaga on HBO? I felt so sad for her when she was talking about being bullied. Like I said, I HATE bullying. It’s rude and tacky. Plus I have lots of scars from rocks/fists/sticks/baseball bats/lacrosse sticks/cricket bats/broomsticks/hockey sticks/ irons/golf clubs/wire hangers/glass bottles; that get thrown at me by bullies. Lucky there are no bullies at ITT Tech because all our parents drive us to class and keep a good eye out for fooling around or rambunctiousness.
Oh look at the time, it’s laugh riot o clock! Time to watch Two and a Half Men.
I love all of you new followers! Hope there are no Charlie Sheens that started following me. Bad vibes will ~not~ be tolerate.
-paws up, Walter.