Today is April 20th, which means that a lot of unshowered people, who I don’t want to hang out with, are saying, “The government is tracking us through our cell phones, man. All those text messages you send are being uploaded to their database and… wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, here, take my iphone and do a video of me taking a bong rip.”
Yes, it’s 4/20, the holiday for people this blog doesn’t give a shit about. Pot is the most boring drug ever invented. No one ever has any good pot stories. Here is every pot story ever:
Recapping 3-5 hours of text messaging people to find the pot.
Recapping 3-5 hours of something that they saw on Tim and Eric.
Recapping waking up, realizing they feel asleep on a bag of Doritos
You leaving while your boring friend eats Doritos off their futon.
There’s only one bong adventure that’s ever interested me.
So what else is April 20th? Yes. It is Hitler’s birthday, but I’ve already gone over his incidental relations to this blog so there’s no point in dwelling on some guy who is undoubtedly spending eternity giving the Notorious B.I.G. sponge bathes in hell.
So what else is April 20th? Yes. It’s the Columbine Anniversary. Which only turned out okay for Hilter because those two kids can help him with Biggie’s back in the tub.
April 20th is important because Edie Sedgwick was born today.
Edie was a revolutionary when it comes to the field of being hot, blonde and wearing heavy eye makeup.
Her impact on the people featured in this blog is incredibly far reaching, whether those impacted know it or not. Even the fashion world seems to have this nasty habit of putting any model with short blonde hair in the obligatry, played out to death, “LOOK I’M TWIGGY LOLOLOL” shoot. Enough with Twiggy already. SHe’s fucking boring. There I said it. Twiggy is boring, Edie is anything but. You might say that being boring turned out better for Twiggy in the long run, but not in my eyes.
I don’t appreciate any art. I only like pictures of famous people or hot blonde girls. You can see from my likes videos those are the only subjects I see beauty in. Warhol is the one exception to this. I love Warhol. I love his art, I love the factory scene and I love his superstars, specifically Edie. Some of them were, like, gross tranny looking people so I guess I’m not thrilled with all of them, but Edie is one of the great HBGWHEM’s of all time.
Here’s a pic of me as Warhol for Halloween:
I tried to find an Edie to go with me to some sorority’s Halloween party, but those shoes are too big to fill and no girl could pull it off so I went Edie-less, which was a shame because Edie was a totally unique, hurricane of a person; someone you’d love to have on your arm at a party.
Edie didn’t have a good childhood. This automatically endears me to her.
I had a fantastic childhood. It was perfect. The worst moment of my childhood was, one Christmas, I asked for a N64 game because it got good reviews in my Nintendo Power magazine, but when I played it, I thought it sucked and my parents wouldn’t let me return it for a game were you shot dinosaurs. Yes. That’s my worst childhood memory. I was lucky.
Because of this, I think I’m always seeking out girls who had the worst childhoods imaginable. Girls who have normal, balanced, regular lives do nothing for me. They’re fucking Twiggies. There’s no angle, there’s nothing that makes me feel like sticking around. Balanced girls are like people who celebrate 420.
It’s infinitely interesting to me, people’s backstory. Admittedly, I’ve stolen a lot of other people’s lives for characters in my novels, but, even if I wasn’t combing though these stories, I would still be attracted to the most “damaged” girl and Edie was many things… damaged being one of them.
It wasn’t only her story that I loved, it was her voice. It’s upper crusty Connecticut, but at the same time it was husky and smokey. I’ve never heard anyone else with a voice like Edie. It was perfectly replicated by Sienna Miller, who, in my opinion, turned in an absolute doppleganger performance of Edie in Factory Girl. I know everyone will say that ‘mehh it’s historically inaccurate blahblah’, but it’s laughable that a bunch of assholes wanted a perfect, by the books, rule following bioepic, on someone who never followed the rules. The only mistake in that film is Hayden Christianson’s absolutely awful Dylan performance. Beyond that, Sienna is perfection as Edie.
I’m not a skilled enough writer to describe Edie’s looks and so I’m going to post my ten favorite photographs of Edie Sedgewick. When you look at the pictures you’ll see the white-blonde hair, the trend setting heavy eye makeup, the still-in-style leotard bottoms, the small perfect breasts, that scar on her forehead which only added to her mystique. In no particular order, here are my ten favorite Edie pictures.
That’s more than ten pictures, but if you were counting, you weren’t looking hard enough.
Here’s my favorite part of her most famous film, “Poor Little Rich Girl” (suprise: it’s one of the in focus parts )
Edie was born today, April 20th, 1943. She died on November 16, my birthday. When she died, she was exactly the age I am as I write this.
rest in peace,edie.