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I was going to do a review of everything that I saw from Paris Fashion week. Each show I was going to tell you exactly what I thought and who HBGWHEM’d it the hardest. I liked a lot of the shows and thought some really great collections were shown.

Then this video came into my life.

Want to know what the list looks like now?

Balmain - We get it, you’re edgy. I’m pretty sure one of those pieces was a shirt I was wearing from a graffiti party my frat threw two years ago.

Dior - Those slouchy socks, their mothers, their forefathers, should all be f**king gassed

Lavin - These pieces are about as symmetrical as Lyle Lovett’s face and just about as pretty too.

Chloe - If this collection was any more boring, it would air on CBS at 8pm.

Mcqueen - Good to know my Easter basket could walk in the show based on your model’s hair.

Givenchy - There must have been a sale on blue, yellow and green when they were designing this tat.

So how did my perspective change? How did I go from loving Dior to this?

Well, it’s sort of like when you bought the original Playstation and you saw the graphics on Tomb Raider and you were like, “No way things will ever get better than this. This is the peak of greatness!” then, suddenly, before you know it, the PS3 is out and you’re like, “Wow, I just broke some guys arm and I’m pretty sure that someone somewhere has a broken arm now from me because that looked super realistic. I’m so glad that I don’t have to stare at Lara Croft’s shitty triangle tits anymore.”

Today, all of the PFW shows turned into Lara Croft’s triangle tits because…

Louis Vuitton - KATE FUCKING MOSS CLOSED

I was going to write about the feeling I had while I watched this video, but these are the notes I took.

CRYING RN

DYING

UNF

CRYING IRL

HNNNG.

DEAD.

My brain went down to that level of functioning. Yes, for that otherwordly moment, I turned into a tumbrlgrl because, honestly, the whole thing gave me the chills.

So let this be a lesson to all you new bitches… YOU EXIST BECAUSE THE QUEEN BITCH LETS YOU. At any point, any time, Queen Kate can get on that runway and eclipse your little shine, never forget that.