HBGWHEM 36.1 WALTER MONTGOMERY - THE MODEL PROTECTECTOR
HELLO AGAIN. It’s Walter Montgomery. You might remember when I took over Tom’s blog when he said that Abbey Lee was starting to look like she would eat his intestines directly out of his still alive body. It was so disrespectful and I had to protect her from a RACIST BULLY, Tom. I mean, that doesn’t even make any sense, Karl can barely get Abbey to eat a One-A-Day, why would she eat instestin- OHHHHHHHHH it’s a zombie joke. Rude.
Tom is destroying the internet.
OH MY GOSH1111 A MOMMA CAT JUST HUGGED HER SLEEPING BABY CAT IN THIS VIDEO ON MY SCREEN THAT HAS A FOREIGN TITLE (not to be offensive, but foreigners creep me out and I’m worried the momma was hugging her baby in fear of living with the foreigners.)
I have taken this blog over again because Tom has been ~throwing shade~ towards HILARIOUS perfect princess CARA Delevingne.
I mean, just because someone doesn’t have any social grace, doesn’t make them tacky. Me for example, I used to piss through my lycra pants (like a million years ago) (My entire sixth year of going to school at ITT Tech) (I’m finishing my 6th year at ITT TECH in a month!!! SO excited!!!!). My Sims are literally like “Arbuk! Ex Askaban!” and “Fludrek Plork Delevignedrop” and “Clargrock Erts Trumbl” (the last one is said in an angry voice). In Simglish, that means, “Tom! I’m happy to have you back listening to the Black Eyed Peas and playing Sims” and the second one is “Can you imagine the zany antics we will have, now please build a ladder in the pool,” and the last Simglish translation is, “The non-Jewish families in this neighborhood are lowering the property values”. AREN’T SIMS SO ZANY???
I just realized Cara Delevigne is exactly what would happen if a Sims character modeled.
NEWAYZ as I was saying…
AM I BLUE IVY, OR?
I MEAN, YEEZY TAUGHT ME, AM I RITE?? COLLEGE DROPOUT; SKOOL OF YEEZY GRADUATE. (sadly i have an intense water inhabiting-animal allergy so I can’t eat fish fillet.) (I’M NOT ALLERGIC TO DOLPHINS THOUGH!!!) (BUT THEY ARE SO HARD TO CATCH AND EAT!) (WHAT??? Stop judging me. I was born this way, dolphins were born that way. IF WE WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO EAT DOLPHINS, WHY DO THEY HAVE HOLES IN THEM LIKE DONUTS. LEARN A HISTORY BOOK, SCIENCE. H20)
Basically, I needed to protect Cara from Tom’s HURTFUL SHADEPOST and to fund my plan, I sold all my neopets (I miss you, Custard) and I got money to go to a model party (and then even more money from my dad when he helped me send away my neopets *creys*. He said I earned the money because he was afraid I would never sell them and I’d become a “fucking disgusting furry”. My dad can be SO HATEFUL). *Pro Furry Blog* If You Agree Plz Promo Me*
So I took my stack of money and I bought more neopets, but after that I also did get into a MODEL PARTY.
I wore a shirt in my favorite color PUKE GREEN and it had little yellow things on it (oh my gosh, I just thought of the color yellow and now I’m crying about Custard again).
When I was at the party, I was like “OH no, how will I find Cara?” but then like two seconds later I heard an elephant blowing a majestic stream of air out of his trunk and I assumed it was probably Cara making that noise. Lucky guess for the WaltyWalt because it was her!
I immediately walked over to them and they were dousing Arizona Muse with some sort of canola oil to get that hair and complexion just perfect!!! I learned my first model beauty secret that night!! I mean, I’ll admit, I was like “Canola oil? Really Arizona? Do you know how bad ARTIC DRILLING is for the environment”, but then the bad man in my mind said, “Ignite her, Walter. Now is your chance. We have to retain confidence that is a flammable cooking oil,” and I started screaming at me for my head to stop speaking to me. Usually this sends my new friends running, but Cara was pouring Canola oil in her mouth, then pretending to be a slow erupting volcano as she burped oil out in giant bubbles so no one really noticed.
After that, the girls were like “PHOTO OP” because that’s how we get when we are together and we took the picture that is at the top of this article (NOTE: I DID NOT WRITE THOSE THINGS ON THERE. THAT WOULD BE TACKY. THAT IS HOW THE PICTURE CAME OUT, UNAIRBRUSHED. SORRY IF MY FAVS ARE KILLING YOUR FAVS. EVEN IN CANDIDS!!)
At the party I did ketamine.