46.0 Madonna’s new tour “The Super Bowl”
Most people who read this blog are 15, but for those of you who aren’t, I’m sure you will remember a time when VH1 played music videos instead of airing reality shows about poorly behaved urban ppl. Lots of the videos played on VH1 seemed geared towards women going through menopause, but sometimes they played that Fiona Apple video.
The cable provider in Syracuse, where I grew up, put MTV on channel 28 and VH1 on channel 29, silently acknowledging that VH1 sucked a dick, but still had to be watched on commercials. MTV back then also played music videos (mostly videos of a group of men in matching clothes requesting a woman to “come back” to them- weird gangbang scenarios IMO). There were two people who VH1 played who weren’t shit- MJ and Madonna. I started liking both artists because not only did they put out great videos, but if your song comes on after a fucking Meatloaf video, you could basically be performing acapella renditions of Soulja Boy songs and you still would seem pretty talented. Madonna videos got me though a lot of commercial breaks and I’ll always love her for that even if sometimes now she looks like she could bend metal bars with her bare hands. Madonna also made out with Britney, which seems chill.
Today Madonna is going to start her new tour, “Super Bowl”!!!
I think it’s named that because it’s a continuation from the “Sticky and Sweet Tour”. You know how old ppl always have a bowl full of candy at their house? Madge was obvi like, *British accent* “I’m so rich, the sticky and sweets bowl at my house is a super bowl!” and then everyone was like, “That should be the name of your new tour and you should air it on poor person basic channels instead of VH1 b/c VH1 won’t air it unless you throw a drink on someones weave.”
So here we are, “Super Bowl Tour” Sunday and I’ll be live blogging it all!
Keep this page open on a tab and F5 when you think something bloggable happens!
- The TV listings have the Super Bowl Tour going for like 4 hours. Madonna is in such good shape to be able to perform all that time!!!
- Who are these inbreds opening for Madonna? Their new single sounds a shitload like the National Anthem. People have no creativity anymore.
- Kelly Clarkson is singing the National Anthem now too. I bet Kelly Clarkson is the only person Christina Augliera can look at and feel good about herself.
- I bet Kelly Clarkson is going to put a helmet on at the end of the National Anthem and she’ll go join these football dancers Madonna hired for her tour.
- Da Fuq. NBC hired 2 straight, middle aged, white guys to talk about the Madonna concert and these assholes can’t stop talking about football.
- Some of these Madonna dancers are dressed like Footlocker employees. I hate how corporate sponsorship is creeping into everything.
- This middle aged white women in a pants suit seems obsessed with football too. She’s obviously gay so why isn’t she talking about Madonna??
- Okay, I think I have the wrong channel.
- Okay, I do have the right channel. Maybe, like Madonna is running late? Oh, that Madge, always keeping us waiting. I guess they had to just put on this sports thing til she arrives? Kelly Clarkson prob couldn’t perform any more songs because she gets so winded.
- GISELE’S HUSBAND IS AT THIS SPORTS.
- THEY JUST SHOWED FLAWLESS PRINCESS GISELE!!!! I AM GOING TO WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS GAME OF JOCKS.
- Um. Someone just scored a two pointer. Is that a thing?
- Why is Elton John at this concert? He was being such a cunt to Madge at the Golden Globes.
- The two pointer is called a “safety”. It seemed VERY unsafe for Gisele’s husband. I hope he is okay.
- Someone just score a six pointer, then immediately after, they scored a one pointer. The NY giants are making lots of points in so many different ways. I think it just shows how giving Gisele’s husband gave them two points for good luck!
- They said that the Madonna concert starts in half time!?!?! Is that like British time or what? How long is half time. At least it doesn’t seem a long time away.
- Wait, the first quarter just ended. So we have to sit through that bullshit again? I think that the Giant men, despite being relatively average is size, have proved they can do sports better than than team USA.
- The Tom Bradys just hit a three!
- Lilo just tweeted about the Giant guys, she must be waiting for the Madonna concert too!!
- Howard Stern is on America’s Got Talent? Does this mean I have to watch stupid fucking America’s Got Talent? This is worse than the time Madonna made me watch football.
- The Giants guys just got in trouble for an “illegal huddle” they were probably huddling to be like “Guys we have to win this in halftime because I don’t wanna miss Madonna.”
- They just did a Sketchers commercial. IS THIS A SIGN THAT BRITNEY IS GONNA COME OUT WITH MADONNA WHEN THIS FUCKING CONCERT FINALLY STARTS???
- Gisele should call that Tim Tebow guy so that Tom can hang out with her in the booth instead of playing this dumb game!!!
- Mr. Gisele scored a touchdown!!!! They are gonna bring Madonna out to celebrate now! Congrats on the Patriots winning the football game!!!
- Fuckkkkkk, these middle aged men are obsessed with talking about catching balls, which is common before a Madonna concert, but not in this way.
- It’s finally starting!!!! They made Madonna ride in an elevator with Jay Leno. How much more sadistic can this night get?
- Okay here is the (review).
- One of these forty commercials should explain how this effing game is played.
- GISELE’S HUSBAND JUST HAD A SAD THING HAPPEN TO HIM AND HE IS SAD! AW. AW.
- Wait. Maybe he was just being generous and throwing to the other team so they don’t feel sad about losing? #selfless
- Is John Carter a movie or an old guy running for the Republican nomination?
- This football will not stop. Can’t they set aside their differences and agree to let Madonna come back out to do Poppa Don’t Preach?
- Oh man they did this thing where they called reviewers to see if a guy caught a ball on the field or something and the guy was jealous of Tom Brady so he said the other team made the catch and now Tom is gonna lose and Gisele will be sad and the Madonna performance was too short and world peace will never happen.
- Okay what. This guy, like could run in for a six pointer, but he tried to stop himself? Maybe he has low self esteem? He got it tho and I hope he knows he deserved it. Football mens crey too I guess.
- It might be over or people might be celebrating because Madonna agreed to come back out and perform “Like A Virgin” while Gisele dances. ~PLEASE~