It’s September (January in August is over) so you know what that means… a 727 page Vogue.
   I know it can be a little threatening when that giant magazine shows up in your mailbox.
   I also know your heart sank when you saw that they chose Halle “One of the three black women we’re comfortable putting on the cover of Vogue” Berry. She isn’t blonde. Her makeup is kinda heavy on the cover, but that doesn’t really make up for it.
   I wanted to inform you, fret not HBGWHEM reader, the September issue of Vogue has much to be celebrated and it’s  clear that this season (as with any other season in the history of mankind) a girl’s best friend is a bottle of bleach, some liquid eyeliner and a good pallette of eyeshadow.

   The easiest way to tackle an issue of this size is to go through in chronological order and in parts. If you’re one of those people that reads a magazine back to front, then start at the bottom of this page and move up. If you’re one of those people that doesn’t read Vogue, go out and buy a copy so you can follow along at home. Or fall on scissors. Your choice.



   In part 1 of “HBGWHEM 12 Vogue: The September Issue” we will go through the magazine until we reach the index.

   HBGWHEM fun fact- This is my favorite part of the magazine.
  
   HBGWHEM fun fact- Everytime I write “HBGWHEM fun fact” skip that part of the blog because it’s going to be followed by a fucking pointless statement.

   Okay, get your magazine (or scissors if you choice option b) and let’s get started->

Inside cover- Starting off, behind Halle, is a HBG pressed against a shaggy model male model. The HBG is no doubt seeking protection from the blonde-less cover of the September issue. “Why isn’t there a blonde girl on the cover? Why is Halle on the cover of another magazine when all she did was break up with her really goodlooking BF? Has she been in a movie since that really bad Travolta film where she showed her boobs?” the HBG’s  eyes cry out. The ad is for “Ralph Lauren Romance” a women’s fragrance. This is a wise choice by Ralph’s people because  no one wants to be in a romance with a brunette and everyone wants to comfort a HBG.

Page 3 - In this Prada ad, a brunette girl has her hair done like the bride of Frankenstein. Clearly Prada agrees with me that brunettes are monsters.

Page 7 - Ralph Lauren continues his use of HBG’s and this time his model is dressed in a wonderful fall getup. It makes me want to take the model out so she can jump in leaves while wearing her RL lace up crocodile, high heeled boots. Sure she might break her ankle, but then I will buy her some Ralph Lauren Romance and I will comfort her like the model on the inside cover.

Page 11 - Gucci might be trying to pass off a brunette as a HBG by shooting her in the bright light of the desert. It almost works. Next time, just make the right decision and you won’t have to worry about your model dying of dehydration while she wears a fur in the desert and tries to look blonde.

Page 15 - Queen Madge continues to put forth a great campaign for D&G, even despite her Jonas looking model companion.

Page 18 - A HBG looks at herself in the mirror in a Fendi ad. Can you blame her?

Page 20 - A HBGWHEM pushes a chair to the window in a Fendi ad. I presume it’s  so a brunette girl can easily jump out the window.

Page 24 - In this Hermes ad, a brunette looks like Jack the Ripper. Seems about right.

Page 27 - Scarlett Johansson is PERFECTION as a HBGWHEM in a leopard print blanket in the D&G ad. Even if 400,000 leopards had to be killed to make Scarjo’‘s blanket, it was still worth it.

Page 32/33 - A brunnette girl and a HBGWHEM girl pose on a rooftoop in a Chanel ad. The brunette is manish and the her fringe on her Chanel hangs off her like a piece of paper taken out of the shredder half way through. The HBGWHEM posses with her fringe under control and she works the furry boots perfectly. The theme of this shoot was obviously good (HBGWHEM) and evil (Brunette)

Page 41 - Honorary HBGWHEM Rosie Huntington-Witley continues to carry Burberry’s campaign even despite the unfortunate news she was cast in a Michael Bay movie. She is wearing black, clearly acknowledging that she is going through a dark time.

Page 42/43 - The always captivating Jurgen Teller photographs the always fantastic Frida Gustavsson and the unfortunately brunette Jac, but the brunette doesn’t stop him from creating another fantastic Marc Jacobs campaign.

Pages 44/45 - Miu Miu took my breath away with 4 shots over two pages of HBGWHEM Perfection. I felt a tear well up in my eye. Beauty at it’s finest. A quadruple rainbow.

Pages 55/57 - Michael Kors features a HBG, but in typical fashion, reigns it in and we get no HEM.

Page 61/62 - Kate’s David Yurman campaign is chilling in black and white. Featuring a beautiful chain link Yurman necklace on the Queen of HBGWHEM as she raises out of tranquil water, and a second shot of kate, all natural with Cleopatra-like jewelry,  this isn’t an ad, it’s art. WORTH THE COVER PRICE ALONE.

Page 67 - The delightfully gapped HBG Georgia May Jagger goes for a little topless romp with a good-looking but unfortunately tattooed model (deftones? really? come on, bro) in a Hudson jeans ad.

Page 71 - I don’t really understand what’s going on in this Nine West ad. Did the HBG lock herself out? Can she not figure out how to get inside the store? Is there an invisible robbery taking place?

Page 72/73 - More of “What the hell?” from Nine West. I now fear that their stores are haunted.

Page 75 - A brunette in an amelia airheart cap in a Rolex ad. Hopefully the brunette will meet  the same fate as ol’ Amelia and get lost.

And here we are at the Index.
As you can see already, this month’s Vogue is nothing short of fantastic.
You know this if you bought a copy.
If you chose to fall on sisters, when your boyfriend comes, ask him to bring a copy of Vogue to the hospital for you.
It’s never too late to read the September issue.

Part 2 coming soon. Be sure to follow me on Tumblr or add me at myspace.com/thebr0wnbunny
(that’s a zero not an O.)
Until then, stay hot, stay blonde and go check your makeup.