hot blonde girls with heavy eye makeup

When the girls on Toddlers and Tiaras display more professionalism than models you stan…

Last week… or maybe it was two weeks ago… or possibly it was a month- I’m losing track of time, sort of like how Tom Hanks did when he was trapped on a desert island and had to fuck a volleyball- whenever it was, I wrote a little ~-~fanfic~-~ about Charlotte Free and Dakota Rose. 

THIS IS ALL ISABELLA’S FAULT.

No it’s not (unless Charlotte is reading this, then it totally is Isabella’s fault).

The whole thing started as an inside joke between Isabella and I.

There are a lot of apologies that I’m going to have to make in my life that contain that sentence.

Isabella and I have a similar thought pattern. We find similar things funny. We both happened to fall in love with Charlotte Free at the exact same time.

One morning, I woke up and I checked my computer (because I’m emotionally unavailable to humans I know IRL and obsessed with people I’ll never meet) and one of the messages was from Isabella about a conversation that Dakota Rose posted on her tumblr. It was an amazing conversation; with zero punchline, setup, context or back story. The night before I got the message, Charlotte had posted a picture of her computer screen. Not a screen cap, a picture. An out of focus picture. Isabella and I were obsessed with what could be such tumblr gold that even though the picture was out of focus and the fact that it was a picture of a computer screen, didn’t come into play and it had to be posted. I took those two messages and I combined them into a single fictional story about Kota’s friendship with Cfree. FOR THE RECORD THEY WOULD MAKE THE CUTEST FRIENDS EVER. Because Dakota Rose’s conversation was about smoking, I had Charlotte Free smoking a bowl in the conversation. At the time it seemed to be a reasonable assumption that Charlotte enjoyed the occasional wake and bake. I now know that this is not true and I’ve taken the little story down, however I will be selling copies of it at my blog store for twenty five dollars a piece. That was a joke. Unless you want to give me twenty five dollars.

Then, Charlotte contacted Isabella. She didn’t send me a message, but it’s cool. No- really, I’m fine. Not like I would want a message from my pink haired queen. Not like a check my tumblr every night hoping  that that little red flag is a message from Cfree. No that never happens every night of my lonely, lonely life. Crey.

I just want Charlotte to know that what I did was out of love, not hate. Isbella and I thought it would be funny, but we also forget that everyone doesn’t have our sense of humor.

Sometimes Isabella and I forget we are the Charles Manson and Leslie Van Houten of tumblr.

Charlotte, I don’t want  you to be mad at me. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. To make up for the shitty story I wrote about you, I thought I’d make some fan art since you seem to like that.

Like Tom Hank’s mother used to say in that movie where Tom Hank’s mother said things, “One person’s fan art is another persons blood covered Helter Skelter wall.”

These pieces are something I took a lot of time making and I hope they illustrate to you the amazing friendship that you and I could share.

IF WE BECOME BEST FRIENDS, WE CAN…

IF WE BECOME BEST FRIENDS WE CAN…

IF WE BECOME BEST FRIENDS WE CAN…

IF WE BECOME BEST FRIENDS WE CAN…

IF WE BECOME BEST FRIENDS, WE CAN…

IF WE BECOME BEST FRIENDS, WE CAN…

Forgive me, Charlotte.

Be my friend, Charlotte.

I’ll be good, Charlotte and together we will be gooder than Good Charlotte.

xxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo